diversity day.

it sounds like such a cliche, but a week ago my work had a diversity/cultural "training" workshop. it was the same ole, which brought me back to my college days of sitting in a circle while the loud people spoke out about their disparities, wisdom, whathaveyou. 

as just one of three "people of color," i felt nervous and intimidated to join my ultra-PC-elitist colleagues. i didn't want to hear them talk about the things that i assumed they knew nothing about—the things that feel so close to me. but i did it and it was okay. just okay. 

i mean, these sort of issues are intense. they kick my ass. call me narcissistic, call me a thinker. i have these issues. and i love them. not love love, but love them. they make me whole. they make me fucked up. and even though i'm happy these days, these 23 days of january, i'm still clinging to that familiar handle of pessimism. 

anyway. diversity day. the moment that is fixed to my memory like a price tag that refuses to remove itself from a new paperback, is when we were numbered off and placed in a circle, face-to-face, and forced to give each other compliments. why is giving or receiving compliments such a task for me? i am cringing just thinking about it. my compliments were inadequate and not as thoughtful as they should have been (for certain people). 

so, i'm kind of sad about that. and as a gay, asian, adopted, blah blah, half-glass-empty kinda girl, i say hello. and don't put me in a box.